Introverts Unite, or at least consider it quietly over a cup of tea

[chimerically]

I've been told often enough throughout my life that I need to "get out there" more -- be more assertive, be more aggressive, be more social, or just plain talk more (dammit!). However, when it comes to teaching, presenting, hosting a party, or interacting in other social situations, I can do just fine, and I even enjoy public speaking (as evinced by my years teaching planetarium shows at Holt Planetarium and dance lessons for UCBD). But being "out there," especially for long periods of time, and especially in unstructured social situations such as parties, sure does wear me out. I've never been a partier: I often get to know more of the books on my party host's bookcase than strangers at the party. In high-school psychology I realized I was just introverted, and throughout my life I've learned to "cope" with my "impairment." Well, a couple of years ago, an introverted writer decided to speak out. Nothing's wrong with being introverted, he said, and there's a lot that's right. And further, introverts are rather inconvenienced by the smalltalk and sociality that is expected of them. "Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts." And from a later interview: "Extroverts should understand that if someone is being quiet it doesn't mean they're having a bad time; it doesn't mean they're depressed; it doesn't mean they're lonely or need psychiatric help or medication. A lot of the battle is making the extrovert world more aware."

In the article and follow-up interview, the author stated that we live in a world that favors extroverts. I would agree completely for the physical world. (I've been lucky in that pretty much all the people I've been close to have been introverts. As an aside, a high-school classmate of dag29580863's once said that he'd only ever heard D say three words in all of high school. D, in his usual inimitable style, retorted, "Make that six.") But I would argue that the virtual world can be as well suited to introverts as extroverts. Online I can take my time responding, walk away, or sequester myself completely (... at least with most of my friends). It lets me stay connected to friends, but on terms I am more comfortable with -- less intense and more ambient, like the occasional connection one has when working independently but with someone else in the same room.

Are you introverted too? Do you also like the affordances of online communication? Does it also help you extroverts out there feel more connected?

Comments

[josephhall.livejournal.com]

I think I'm somewhere in between... I switch from introversion to extroversion depending on my mood, circumstances, etc. I wonder why...

At some point in college (when I definitely considered myself an introvert like my parents), I was working up the gumption to ask a girl out. I realized, what the hell could possibly go wrong... the worst case scenario is that she'd say no, and we'd either never talk again or she'd be a good friend with clearly defined boundaries. I think after that experience (I was turned down and we were friends throughout college), I approached a lot of interaction like that.

While I still have introverted tendencies (I often don't go out and rather stay at home with my girl of 7 years, Michelle), I do talk quite a bit and am always the first person to ask the stupid question. While that may affect other people's perceptions of me, I think in the long term, those perceptions converge upon the true me.

I guess I would urge people to be comfortable... if you're comfortable being quiet, great. If you're being quiet because you're uncomfortable (undue influence) or because you're afraid of being put in a position of being uncomfortable, I guess it seems best to eliminate the source of that.